Ok, so I am still seeing GymMonkey, but definitely not limiting myself to one guy. We hangout maybe once or twice a week. Anyways, we have been having lots of discussions on ghosts lately – don’t ask it just happens. He is a very firm believer in ghosts, I am not – I have a very hard time believing that dead people’s spirits are roaming this earth watching and trying to scare/communicate/hurt/touch living people. He tells me that he’s going to prove it me…….. I say bring it on!!!!
He tells me all about this cemetery in Maltby – I’m actually disclosing this place because I think everybody should check it out. We go out and want to make this as scary as possible – so what do we do? We go see SAW V first of course, while this movie isn’t about ghosts, its still gory as hell and leaves lasting images in your head of people getting their hands sawed off while being shot with nail bombs. Needless to say I watched most of the movie peeking through my fingers like a little girl. After the movie we head over to the cemetery, but he forgot to mention that this cemetery sits in the middle of a freaking forest!!! Oh yeah, we had to go on a hike through the creepiest trail just to get there. He also forgot to mention that half the bodies in there were dug up for a housing development, so half of it sits in the middle of the woods and half of it sits in this person’s back-yard. (side note: who buys a house that was built on a dug up cemetery? Haven’t they seen Poltergeist?)
As we start walking up the trail it starts getting narrower and narrower, so now I either have to go in front or in back. If I go in front I have to deal with the spider webs and finding my footing on this overgrown trail that I don’t think anyone has walked up in years. Or I have to go in back which leaves me completely open to be abducted and carried off in the woods so my hands can get sawed off while being shot with nail bombs. I took the back because spiders freak me the fuck out!!! I’ll deal with my hands getting sawed off when that time comes.
After about a half hour trek on this trail we finally get to the top – where I almost starting having a panic attack. I was so scared out of mind I could barely breathe. We have to walk through this person’s backyard to get to the actual cemetery and I completely freeze up. But only until GymMonkey kept walking and I realized that I was going to be left behind, then I hauled ass to catch up to him and grab onto his arm. I need you to understand that I couldn’t see a god-damned thing it was so dark. It was probably around 12:30pm at this time and there was a full moon out – but since we were in the woods the stupid trees wouldn’t let any moonlight in. We walk around on these small trails tripping over the tombstones we couldn’t see and reading the ones we could.
This cemetery is located on a hill, so it has one level, then a level below that, and then the last level below that. The lower levels are very much deep in the woods and extremely dark. We are trying to get down to the lower level and what do we see in the distance, is that a ladder? What is a ladder doing in the middle of a cemetery in the woods you ask? Well after it taking us about twenty minutes to get down there, we figured out someone built a fort, and it had those Blair-witch homemade creepy stick things hanging all over it. I was out after that, ghosts don’t make creepy stick things, crazy psycho people who saw your hands off and shoot you with nail bombs do.
Now while I THOUGHT I saw some things and THOUGHT I heard some things I’m still not completely sold on the whole ghost thing. I am sold on the fact that I’m scared shitless of the dark. People are freaks who would live in a house where dead bodies used to be. People who make creepy stick things and hangout in a fort in the middle of a cemetery are scary. And last but not least, even if you don’t see any ghosts, its still just as scary to be standing in a cemetery on a full moon night in the middle of the woods. I’ve never been more scared in my life- that was Gym Monkey’s objective and it totally worked.
We are going on more ghost hunting trips in the future, I’ll let you know if we find any.
Snow White
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